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Thursday, May 19, 2011

Bloodsport remake in the works

In today's edition of completely unnecessary remake news, comes word that we are in store for a Bloodsport remake.  Apparently Phillip Noyce, the director of Salt, has decided that that the world needs a new Bloodsport film, and he is the man to give it to him.  According to Screendaily the story will, "follow an American who goes to Brazil to recover from the violence he has experienced in Afghanistan who gets involved in a martial arts contest".  I really have problems with this venture on so many levels.

First off, Bloodsport is a sort of perfect movie just the way it is.  It is a pure example of unironic action cheese that it just isn't possible to make anymore.  Sure you could complain about the trite love affair, the needless shots of Jean Claude Van Damme doing the splits in his underwear or Orgre from Revenge of the Nerds breaking bricks with his head, but those oddities are part of it's charm.  Say what you what you will about the surrounding material, but as a boy who grew up in the 80's those training sequences and tournament were the coolest damn martial arts stuff I had ever seen.  As far as I was concerned it might as well have been Snake Eyes' origin from GI Joe come to life.  I will go to my grave defending the tournament portion of Bloodsport as one of the best martial arts sequences to ever come out of an American movie!

Who knows, maybe the producer agrees with me and that's why he wants to "re-invent" the movie.  Maybe he sees his "re-interpretation" as an homage.  Here's the thing though, Bloodsport was based on a real guy's life.  I mean the main character Frank Dux was a damn co-writer on the movie.  Now if they wanted to tell the story of Frank Dux from a different perspective I could get behind that. If you read about the guy for a second you realise he thinks he is Chuck Norris' character from Delta Force come to life.  You could obviously take claims of such a remarkable life in alot of different directions for a film.  You could make a story like that as a straight forward gritty biopic or taken in the other direction I could imagine a Confessions of a Dangerous Mind-type satire of the material.  Regardless of what you do with this property, it could and should continue to be about Frank Dux.

It's obvious that isn't what the producers are interested in.  No apparently it makes more sense to them to create a character who deals with violent trauma not by going home, but going to another country so he can once again shed blood overseas!  Yeah, makes perfect sense, right?  We all know that this movie is only being "remade" because they wanna slap a familiar title on their crap movie.  Maybe I'm being too harsh and the movie won't suck.  But, if you are gonna call your movie Bloodsport, it better be have bloody and violent realistic martial arts(IE no wires or CG and keep the editing cuts to a minimum).  Somehow I don't have alot of faith that the guy who had Angelina Jolie jumping 40ft from truck to truck while going 60 miles an hour can deliver that movie.  Realism doesn't seem like his strong suit.  I guess we'll see soon enough.

Let me know what you guys think.  Does this sound as horrible to you guys as it does me?  Am I viewing the original Bloodsport through rose colored glasses?  Tell me in the comment below!


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